The Struggle to Be Heard

Have you ever had the experience of saying something, and feeling like no one was really listening? Maybe it was something that mattered deeply to you and you shared it with your partner. It might’ve been a brilliant idea that you shared at work.But it didn’t seem to register at all with the “listener”.

Not because you didn’t say it clearly.

Not because you didn’t try.

But somehow your words still seemed to disappear into the air.

Maybe you can relate to this short poem:

Can You Hear Me?

I said it softly

Several times

And was dismissed

I said it directly

Without apology

And was criticized

When I said it furiously

I was heard

But was ashamed

Now I say it with awareness

And compassion

I hear myself

Many of us move through this exact progression in communication.

First, we try softness. We say what we need or feel gently, hoping the kindness in our tone will invite others to listen. Softness often comes from sincerity and goodwill. We believe that if we express ourselves carefully enough, our words will be received.

And yet sometimes softness gets overlooked. Our message is real, but it’s dismissed as unimportant or inconvenient.

So we try something different.

We say it directly. Clearly. Without apologizing for having a voice.

And suddenly the reaction changes. Instead of being dismissed, we’re criticized. We’re told we’re too blunt, too intense, too sensitive, too much. The focus shifts away from what we’re saying and onto the way we said it.

Eventually, frustration builds. Sometimes it comes out as anger.

In those moments, our voices may finally be heard. The force of emotion breaks through the indifference that quiet words couldn’t. But afterward, many of us are left with an uncomfortable feeling. Even if the message was valid, we may feel ashamed of the way it came out.

If you’ve ever experienced this cycle, you’re not alone. 

I’m currently in the midst of interviewing women leaders to understand their perspectives and experiences with burnout, both at work and relational burnout In their personal relationships. And one preliminary key finding is the misalignment that comes from not being heard. This, evidently, is a common element of the experience of being a woman in our culture.

How do we turn this around?

We find the answer in the last line of the poem:

Now I say it with awareness

And compassion

I hear myself

This is where the real shift happens. And power is unleashed.

When we speak with awareness, we understand what is truly alive within us—our feelings, our needs, our truth. When we speak with compassion, we hold ourselves with kindness instead of judgment, even when others don’t immediately understand.

From that place, the goal changes.

We’re no longer speaking only to be heard by others. We’re speaking because our truth deserves a voice.

And something beautiful happens when we begin to listen to ourselves with that same awareness and compassion.

Our voice becomes steadier. Clearer. More grounded. Without a whimper or a shout, we authentically speak.

And sometimes the most powerful moment isn’t when the world finally hears us.

It’s when we realize that we finally hear ourselves.